Stepping Outside

Life as I know it. Today. Everyday. 

Hey all. I’m coming out of the closet. The comfort of this little place has been my refuge, resolve and now, resurgence. 

When I began here 4 years ago, I was unknowingly in the midst of some pretty heavy life transitions. No one can ever quite prepare for such events. One simply must go..through…it. 

As I write here today on this lovely Sunday morning, I am reminded a few things:

  • Divorce didn’t kill me, my spirit or mental state. 
  • It takes years to heal from divorce and I’m still on that path. Don’t rush. 
  • Maturity and deep insight happen when one understands, confronts and accepts ones mistakes. 
  • Friendship has new meaning, as does family. 
  • Estrangement from my girls hasn’t killed me either. It is part of my life I cope with each day. It’s the most painful loss imaginable and many days I thought I would die. The pain, so crushing, the only time the word ‘suicide’ struck my head and heart like a mighty diesel  truck. I am surviving. 
  • Love has captured my heart in unexpected ways. 
  • Compassion, empathy and tolerance ground my world. 
  • Giving of myself, what I’ve learned thus far, provides the passion needed to help others. 
  • Gratitude solidifies my soul. 
  • Fear, no longer the enemy, I deal with it head on. 

Time to move on kids. I’m not an artist nor songwriter. I suck at poetry and use stick figures in an old game called Pictionary. Blogging is my outlet. It frees my mind, creates new thoughts, heals and penetrates my personhood. While I will always keep this little place around, I’m stepping out. No more anonymity. Just me, as I am. There’s a lot in these posts I am ashamed of; my behavior, inability to recognize my weaknesses, my weakness in general. Yet all honest, all words the real deal. It’s like re-reading your high school journals: cringe at the words, yet that’s who you were at the time. And it’s OK. Acceptance takes time. 

My writing reconvenes in a new place, a refreshed blog, where I am today. Everyday. Moving forward. You are more than welcome to hop on the bus with me at http://www.wellfindeachothersoon.wordpress.com. Thanks for riding along. Keep on your own road.  

Ciao. 

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About Carin

Writing is for me, though sharing with others, is a gift.

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