Stepping Outside

Life as I know it. Today. Everyday. 

Hey all. I’m coming out of the closet. The comfort of this little place has been my refuge, resolve and now, resurgence. 

When I began here 4 years ago, I was unknowingly in the midst of some pretty heavy life transitions. No one can ever quite prepare for such events. One simply must go..through…it. 

As I write here today on this lovely Sunday morning, I am reminded a few things:

  • Divorce didn’t kill me, my spirit or mental state. 
  • It takes years to heal from divorce and I’m still on that path. Don’t rush. 
  • Maturity and deep insight happen when one understands, confronts and accepts ones mistakes. 
  • Friendship has new meaning, as does family. 
  • Estrangement from my girls hasn’t killed me either. It is part of my life I cope with each day. It’s the most painful loss imaginable and many days I thought I would die. The pain, so crushing, the only time the word ‘suicide’ struck my head and heart like a mighty diesel  truck. I am surviving. 
  • Love has captured my heart in unexpected ways. 
  • Compassion, empathy and tolerance ground my world. 
  • Giving of myself, what I’ve learned thus far, provides the passion needed to help others. 
  • Gratitude solidifies my soul. 
  • Fear, no longer the enemy, I deal with it head on. 

Time to move on kids. I’m not an artist nor songwriter. I suck at poetry and use stick figures in an old game called Pictionary. Blogging is my outlet. It frees my mind, creates new thoughts, heals and penetrates my personhood. While I will always keep this little place around, I’m stepping out. No more anonymity. Just me, as I am. There’s a lot in these posts I am ashamed of; my behavior, inability to recognize my weaknesses, my weakness in general. Yet all honest, all words the real deal. It’s like re-reading your high school journals: cringe at the words, yet that’s who you were at the time. And it’s OK. Acceptance takes time. 

My writing reconvenes in a new place, a refreshed blog, where I am today. Everyday. Moving forward. You are more than welcome to hop on the bus with me at http://www.wellfindeachothersoon.wordpress.com. Thanks for riding along. Keep on your own road.  

Ciao. 

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About Carin

Writing is for me, though sharing with others, is a gift.

One response to “Stepping Outside

  1. It’s amazing how confident and aware you seem coming out of the worst of this. It’s inspiring to hear someone grow from their pain and suffering. I’lol have to read back to catch up on more details of your story, but the sound of this transition you’re experiencing really makes me feel happy for you!
    I used to (still do actually…) feel embarrassed when I’m raw and real on my blog. And yet, like you, this is my only outlet for such pathetic, desperate, appalling, embarrassing feelings and thoughts. So I agree with you that no matter what, it’s ok that that’s where you were right then and you processed through it by writing.
    No apologies for doing what you need to cope, process, and hopefully heal through your pain..
    I’m very happy for you! This sounds so very hopeful and promising 😊

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