Trying to breathe. The tears, they are endless, the pain surges and I am alone. Good days and bad, moving forward. It’s been a very tough week.
More triggers, reminders of my girls. The slightest connection with one of them, now in question. Been reading more about estrangement between mothers and daughters. Write about that soon.
For this moment, I miss them, their smiles, laughs, voices. I miss their banter, singing, humor. I miss their heads on my shoulders, dancing in the car, watching back-to-back episodes of Full House. I miss their current lives, experiences, their friends and respective relationships. I miss the engagement, sharing, listening.
Reading emails from months ago, as painful as it still is, to think I may never establish a relationship again, it’s inconceivable. Then again, their hurt so deep, they have resorted to a mindset of no longer having a mom. My mindset is on my children.
I’ve lost energy this week, simply emotionally exhausted. It’s 2:00am as I write, so yeah, that’s not exactly helping my situation either. With that, time to sleep, awaken anew.