Flushing it Out

After weeks of little inspiration to write, here I now sit…and write. Thank God. 

Turns out the flu or whatever weird ailment has invaded my body, the culprit in which brings me here this morning. But it is more than that. Through the constant wavering between sweat, soaked sheets, chilled achy skin, these past few days have been a godsend. For you see, one must realize one is not the center of the universe. I am not the center of the universe.

Sometimes pain is the best and most beautiful teacher of all. Whenever I experience the pain of missing my kiddos, when I really let myself feel and work through that pain, allow myself to truly feel every atom of it, I am a better person.

During this past week a few things to share. 

  • Blog posts. Not mine, others. My daughter and a friend of hers – two separate young adults, both opening themselves with tremendous courage, the transparency of thought, astounding, raw and real. What we can learn from young adults should never be dismissed. The courage in which to express, that is what is amazing, admirable. I wish to do as well and their words teach me how much more growing up I need to do. 
  • Worry, anxiety and diabetes. Medication hasn’t worked. Not for my recent diagnosis of diabetes. Sucks because side effects are worse than the actual chronic condition itself. So I’m off the Metformin and get sick. The illness has interrupted my momentum of work which brings on anxiety. Need to make money and no money shall be made while I’m shivering, sweating and worrying about making money that I know I shouldn’t really worry about in the first place because anxiety does nothing but halt the process of moving forward.
  • Estrangement, a letter and an old cat. Wrote a letter, revised it and now wondering when to send it. It’s the first written letter I feel good about since the estrangement began. At the same time there’s the old cat, who by sheer coincidence, may be the catalyst (hey, an unplanned pun!) that bridges the gap for the estrangement. More of this story soon.

Point is, every now and then I need a swift kick in the arse that there are those who are experiencing life with their own pain, some more or less than mine. We should allow for opportunities to study from each other. There are no rules in educating ourselves. Important thing is to simply learn – all the time. In doing so, sometimes you just gotta flush out the bad shit in order to make room for the good stuff, including changing those sheets on occasion.


About Carin

Writing is for me, though sharing with others, is a gift.

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