Nobody Said Life Was Easy, Nobody Said Life Was Hard
IF I had stayed, IF I had accepted my marriage for what it was, the ease of familiarity, ease of the already-known, life, in many ways, would be so much easier at this moment. Financial worries, living arrangements, social acceptance, grocery shopping, Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas yule tides – each in their tidy spot, its predictability, a comfort of ease. One who used to balk at such convention at times, I truly understand the importance of EASE, what that entails. At the same time, I am learning my own sense of ease, outside the norm of what I think it should be; conflicting, my own doing as I move forward.
My husband, dammit, I care about him. Even now, today, nasty emails, hurtful words, betrayal of affairs, prolonged distance and lack of emotional connectedness, I do love him. I love him in a way I shall never love another. He is the father of my children, who once was my very best friend. It is me who changed, me who I must now deal with. Had I stayed, the comfort of predictability diminished by the continued, continuity of dissonance within myself each day….
So… now what?
Bottom line, LIFE is fucking hard. Married, single, with lovers, without. It just is. One will always have more struggles than another. Some may cope better, than those of others. We are all not so different as we’d like to think. And I think, in my own naiveté, I am realizing this, I am no different from anyone else. Just one, who perhaps, questions more than seeks answers. Just every now and then, sure would be nice to have at least one on occasion. Where is that old Magic 8Ball when I need it? When in doubt, find an answer here. Ask the Magic Eight Ball Please, go on, it’s not hard, it’s really rather easy.