Just try to change behaviors after many, MANY years, in a very, VERY short period of time…yeah, good luck with that.
The influence of others, while inspired, can also distract without a sound, an awareness not known, that is, until one finally wakes up.
So is me. A very nice, warm-hearted woman, always loving, caring, now at a point in her life, upon the ending of a decades long marriage, she finds herself wanting so to begin to think for herself. This new-found freedom, though free to think, now closer than ever, change not happening as rapidly as she once thought would be.
Loving someone, though magnificent in so many ways, this too, can be a distraction. Influence comes in a myriad of ways. I am learning this on a daily basis.
Losing my husband, a relationship at one time, quite loving, I am grieving. Like any sort of grieving process, it takes time, our own ways, our own time. We learn to let go, each part of our journey, must be felt in order for growth. Grieving – days go by, I am grateful for the process of divorce, mediation, knowing this is the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. Then, reality – smacks me in the face; all of this time, experience, now coming to a close. It is an ending, a beginning, a loss, a discovery.
I am angry, sad, happy, peaceful, all of the above. I want to wake up and feel as myself, each and every day. And I am doing so. But I want more. What that means, I don’t recognize just yet. I will soon for my determination shall carry me to places I’ve yet to realize. Timing is not what we always wish for. It is what we have right now. Make it count. Make it matter. Embrace the timing of now.