Love Shmove Thyself

So turns out the one person I sorta dismissed in all of this love shmove stuff was aforementioned as in…moi.

Newsflash: LOVE THYSELF FIRST.

While it may seem a no-brainer at almost fifty-two years old (I’ve always considered myself a late-bloomer) this significant illumination occurs latter rather than earlier. Awakening is awakening and I’m happy I’m not asleep anymore.

We all get caught up in other people’s lives throughout our own lives. Some put themselves first – Me, Me, Me. Others, like this writer, put others before themselves – You, You, You. Balance, people. Let’s gain some balance….

Loving men, this issue I’ve had, oh, probably since birth, my reasons for attachment, are clear. Muddled thoughts are waning, healing continues and the process of self-actualization continues full-steam ahead. I believe Maslow got this right:

“We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities, talents, direction, missions, callings. ”

Loving Schmoving Others

This perspective has EVERYTHING to do with love and the way one chooses to love. Without sounding like another innocuous Dr. Phil episode, my love for men, my ability to love more than one is nothing more than a choice. Not merely part of who I am, it is my choice. In addition, my need for attachment, desire of acceptance, shrouded by my sexuality, compounds my efforts to feel loved and to love others. In the end, I am not happy with myself. I fail to grow; loving this way holds me back from the person I can and desire to become.

Recently I decided to live in the here and now. No longer dwelling in the past, bashing myself and why my behavior with men is such, I have chosen new tactics, behaviors on my road to enlightenment. Typical poster child, the girl deprived the kind of healthy attention needed by her father, I’m over it. I’m over thinking this is part of my persona, for it is not. Intimacy and love, once derived by my loving others has not made me whole, a consistent barrier of who I am, as I have yet to fully embrace and live up to my own capabilities to love myself first. Thus for now, I “the ability to be in the present moment; a major component of mental wellness,” just as Maslow suggests.

Here’s to every type of good health, loving thyself, watching movies alone and the sanctity of writing.

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About Carin

Writing is for me, though sharing with others, is a gift.

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