What Gloria Gaynor Has Taught Me

 

Slowly, deliberately, gradually, suddenly, house stripped of familiarity, each day, moving closer to closure; a house, a dissolved marriage and soon enough, the discovery of a new normal. What that looks like I do not know. What’s certain is I am not the same person I was one year ago. 

My affairs, all of them profound. Not merely throw-away relationships, each provided their own significance, what is now understood: a lifeline to breathe. Even within my compulsive behavior, unsettled, restlessness of last year, today I am breathing…on my own, learning to do so without apology, shame, validation, dishonesty. I am not proud of my affairs. I am proud of what was learned from such experience; to share with others, to accept its consequences, to forgive oneself.

 

There are days where I truly can not believe my life – this is my life. Right now. Today. How did I get here? Not only am I not in Kansas anymore, that yellow brick road continues to elude me, once predictable, the path, not always indicative of the future or what one expects. Once a loving, supportive wife and mother, an unconventional housewife striving for convention, questioning what that was supposed to look like, how it should feel.

Tomorrow I shall awaken. Another day. Another opportunity to live. Another chance to breathe. I will take hold. I will survive. I will survive. As long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live and I’ve got all my love to give. I’ll survive. I will survive. Hey, hey…..

 

Advertisements

About Carin

Writing is for me, though sharing with others, is a gift.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: