An Outsider in a Number of Ways

Happy Holidays, only minus one. That’s how a few Christmas cards were sent to the “family” this year. Just saw one today that was addressed to husband and two children and no wife mentioned. Understood. I am the betrayer. If it makes one feel better omitting my name from an envelope, so be it. Unfortunately, most people closest to us know this now. At the same time, not sure how unfortunate this fact is, really. I’ve come to the point of moving beyond such things, though that’s not entirely truthful. Mostly, I look at this from a cultural point of view and find it fascinating who accepts me for who I am and who doesn’t. Since I’m now completely NC from my friends (aka, men I was involved with) I’ve decided to concentrate more on my experience as a whole, writing more consistently with the intention of merely sharing my own personal world, what affairs can do to people, marriages, women, etc.

Been two days of no contact. I consider this a feat in itself on many levels. In terms of my relationship with husband, we are getting along. I got angry last night. More than that, I expressed my anger in such a way I actually TOLD him to please, just let me be angry. And he did so. This in itself is positive, though in no way moves me closer to resolution, a desire to remain married.

As it stands right now, this minute, my desire is as a single woman, not ashamed to be who she is. The affairs are apart of me. I can not change that. I can only change today, right now and tomorrow. The affairs have made me a stronger individual in many ways. I am not proud of my past behavior, only of what I’ve become from my particular experience.

 

 

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About Carin

Writing is for me, though sharing with others, is a gift.

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