Resenting Emotional Neediness

What exactly does “emotionally needy” mean? This came up in therapy today and though M (therapist) didn’t say I was, the question arose, as do many these days. Perhaps this is why A left as he did, he sensed my emotional neediness, got scared and freaked out.

Why, WHY is it, with particular men, I become so needy? For their affection? Attention? Intimacy? Acceptance? All of the above, I suppose. Not every man I’ve been close to, do I feel as such. The patterns, they continue and I am ready to break them once and for all. Even so, it is hard to do, as part of me feels safe in what I know. The pain, despair is a comfort and I fear I’m afraid of losing that. Strange…

Some of the men in my life have been there for me. Well, H (husband) for one. Stable as they come, he’s one of the most loyal of human beings on the planet. I crave the stability, yet resent it at the same time. What’s the resentment all about. Important to finally understand why I resent the boundaries of marriage.

I’m learning more about myself, willing to look deep in to whatever I must, in order to move forward. While I’ve believed I’ve done so in the past, clearly, I have not. Amazing how we can talk ourself into thinking one way, behaving another. The human mind astounds me…

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About Carin

Writing is for me, though sharing with others, is a gift.

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